The Gentleman of Leisure (pictured here at age eight) first came to the attention of the art world in 1993 for his performance art piece "Burn This," which featured the voluntary self-immolation of several Dr. Jack Kervorkian followers to commemorate the twenty-fifth anniversary of the burning deaths of Buddist Monks in Vietnam. Later art installations include: "How Many Lumps? -- Oh, Three or Four" (1996), a phrenology 'skit' which makes use of well-known cartoon characters, and "FedEx" (1997) for which Mr. Deely wrapped the corporate headquarters of the Federal Express Company in packaging paper. In addition to his art and writing, Mr. Deely has travelled extensively and is also a founding member of "Responsible Non-Monogamy," a non-profit intimacy organization now based in Des Moines, Iowa. Mr. Deely currently divides his time between Paris, London, New York, Milan, Casablanca, Tahiti, Burkina Faso, Cairo, Salzburg, and Tuscaloosa.
Traveling Jam This is me on my 7th birthday with my prized 1978 Grease album. I really hated that Hopelessly Devoted song. Olivia was such a drip. This album was soon to be joined by others such as Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 (1980) and Pat Benetar's Crimes of Passion. Then I discovered Duran Duran and my entire world changed. I was born out west, living in NYC for a couple of years after college and in a moment of I don't know what, decided to go to Japan. I am now living in rural Japan where my front door opens up to rice paddies and I attempt to teach English to the Japanese youth. You think pop culture in America's interesting...
Ape's Abroad IV; Ape's Abroad III; Ape's Abroad II; Ape's Abroad: The Original Stories ; Music & Event Reviews; Two Broads Abroad in Paradise; Divas Christmas Review; Chat Room Review of A Tribute to Heroes ; Chat Room Review of the 2001 MTV Video Music Awards; Chat Room Review of the 2002 Golden Globes; Chat Room Review of the 2002 American Music Awards
Molly Denver's first experience writing came as she dictated the following story to her mother at age three: There was a cat. And it went into the street. And it fell into the water. And it fell into the water. And then it went back into the street. The End.
Fonzie love poem; Postmodern Irony Meets Suburban Convenience: PLAYSKOOL's McDonald's building; The Temp's Corollary; Things I Digested in Australia ; A-Ha, The Haikus ; Take Back the Dawn: Breakfast cereal haikus ; Caustic Acrostic Video Reviews; Celebrity Scandal Limericks; Chat Room Review of the 2002 Golden Globes; Chat Room Review of A Tribute to Heroes telethon; Sonnets on an American Childhood in the Seventies; One Time, At Sculpture Camp...; Now I've Seen Everything! Haikus for Skymall; The Pint Glass is Half Empty; The Rise and Fall of My First Celebrity Crush ; The Guyana Diaries; Oh No, Bono!
Christine Horace As a child, I divided my time between my duties as a Brownie and playing with my favorite toys: Weebles, Strawberry Shortcake dolls, and anything Hello Kitty. I grew up wanting to be Wonder Woman. When my underoos no longer fit, I traded them in. I earned a degree in Middle School Education and am now living in Brooklyn, NY and working in social services.
Tribute to Phil Hartman; U2 Ku Review; Chat Room Review of the 2002 Golden Globes; Chat Room Review of the 2001 MTV Awards; A Pathetic Haiku Tribute for American Idol's Simon Cowell; Dreadful Haikus for American Idol; U2: The Vertigo Haiku Review; If God Would Send His Angels to Union Square Barnes and Noble
Lonna Haden Here I am some time in the 60s writing my first love poem. Okay, my secret's out...yes, I'm the one that sent all of those love letters to the little boy that played "Timmy" on the Lassie show. I really dig writing poems (too bad I'm not any good at it) and I also dig Keanu Reeves.
Brandstatter Natasha lives in Pueblo, Colorado,
and, being a senior in high school, she is currently listing her career
as, "student." Her hobbies are watching television (you can
tell the girl is active right away), reading, writing, and music. She
is an admitted hopeless romantic, with the Harlequin paperback library
to prove it, but also likes Joseph Campbell and . . . well, that's about
it for the non-romantic books. Her current independent writing project
(independent meaning she's not going to get paid for it) is a fan-fiction
story. (Yes, people actually write fan-fiction.) She resides with her
parents, little brother, and a miniature Schnauzer named Candy. Any questions?
Michael Cefola, when not absorbed in the 9 to 5 business world, spends inordinate amounts of time attempting to learn the guitar chords to "Astronomy Domine" by Pink Floyd. He has not only listened to "Dark Side Of The Moon" more times than can be counted, but is still attempting to see it through one of the many telescopes he owns. Born in Schnectady, NY, his family migrated to Westchester County, a suburb of NYC, when he was but a wee person. Hanging out at the Cafe Wha in Greenwich Village during the 60's fanned the Rock N' Roll flames which burn strongly to this day. In fact, he actually enjoys the ringing in his ears resulting from playing guitars through monster amps that would have made Spinal Tap proud. Needing to sustain that high decibel lifestyle, he now rides harleys with exhaust pipes that sound his coming two states away. Here, he is either pondering the mystery of the universe or trying to decide on Ovaltine or Nestle's Quik for dinner.
Hackett is (sorry, Jason) married and livin' in the 'burbs with
her y-chromosome pain-in-the-ass husband (whom she loves to death) and
her 2 adorable daughters. Her one wish in life (besides winning the lottery)
is an island vacation where scantily-clad, good-looking mute men bring
her drinks with the wave of a hand.
Joe Durrant A pop culture junkie who ain't lookin' for no cure, Joe Durrant sometimes plans days, weeks, and major lifetime events around television shows like "The Daily Show," "The Drew Carey Show," and "Law and Order." He reportedly cried many tears of joy when he recently upgraded from a 13" TV to a 25" one. Durrant found a safe outlet for his celebrity obsessions in the pages of Apeculture.com, where he can pay homage to his favorite stars of yesterday and today without those pesky restraining orders. He currently lives in Indianapolis, Indiana and enjoys movie theater popcorn, reclining chairs, the occasional cream soda, collecting Pez dispensers, and subverting the dominant paradigm.
Lynda Carter, Thou Lassoeth My Soul; Ode to Sherman Helmsley; Sonnet for Dana Scully of TV's X-Files; Go Ask Alice: To my homegirl Linda Lavin, in the key of "Alice"; On Tootie ; Jack Tripper; The Ballad of Scott Baio
Bill Norris Bill Norris was born two months and two days early into an America that was just beginning to favor wide lapeled, purple polyester leisure suits. However, he spent the first two months of his life in just a cloth diaper as he dozed in the cozy confines of an incubator that allowed him to grow, if not big and strong, at least into the bottom of the "normal" range. It also stripped much of the enamel from his teeth. Many years later, he teaches writing at the College of New Rochelle and his first novel, Snapshots, was published by Riverhead in 2001.
Max Burbank is a comedy writer living in Salem, MA, a city so nice they turned the state sanctioned execution of 19 innocents into a cottage industry. Bitten by a radioactive spider as a teenager, he now finds himself with the proportional speed, strength and agility of a guy dying slowly from radiation poisoning. A veteran of Boston based comedy troupes "Guilty Children" and "The Other White Meat" he doesn’t ‘get out much any more due to marriage, two daughters and an extremely conservative parole officer. He is a regular contributor to Acid Logic and I-mockery.com.
The Standardized Should
I Be a William Shatner Stalker Test; Profiling
Santa; Bob Dole, Pepsi Pervert:
A Critical Analysis; Celine to Leave
Rene for Strom Thurmond; Ask a
Grown-up; Psychic Friends
Spoil Fun for Season Finale-o-files; The
BCAT (Burbank Celebrity Aptitude Test); An
Open Letter to the Recording Industry; No
Matthew Denby After seeing how Marlo Thomas transformed her life by moving to New York in That Girl, Matthew Denby knew from an early age that his provincial Australian home town wasn't going to cut it as a base for world domination. Developing an early taste for his ongoing twin obsessions with "artiface and crap", it was no surprise to anyone who knew the smartass brat that he grew up to be a journalist. Fleeing his home town the day the city's resident football team, the Camry Crows, rocketed to number one on the local pop charts with "Here We Go, Here We Go, Here We Go", Matthew began a globetrotting trek that would shape him as the man of the world who now tops many dinner party invitation lists. He cites spotting a flea-bitten Marilyn in the West End of London, and discovering that the statue of Minerva unearthed in Bath has his "exact same nose", as two of the most exciting experiences of his ongoing global odyssey.
Booger Lee is an 89 year-old grandfather who follows the teachings of the Greek philosopher Epicureas. Booger Lee currently resides at Forrest Lawn Nursing Home where he enjoys spending his day surfin the web and sneakin into the coma patient room (if ya know what I mean). Three Years ago I was convicted of shoplifting, but I faked Alzheimer’s and wound up in here. My son, Scott, is a cardiologist in Rainelle West Virginia and a graduate of the WVU school of medicine. He suffers from bad self-esteem which is mainly linked to his defeat at the age of 12 in the Special Olympics. He wasn't mentally retarded so I thought it might be a good way for me to get ahead with my bookie. I enjoy Kentucky Fried Chicken. I have written a short autobiographical story about when I broke into the chicken restaurant to steal the Colonels original recipe of 11 herbs and spices. I enjoy reading in my spare time. My reading includes Rabelais, Swift, Gogol, Kafka, and Nathanael West. I also enjoy watchin The Price is Right. I write many stories about Bob Barker, including my personal fav: "Bob Barker hates my balls," narrated from the viewpoint of a one-year old puppy.
Jimmy Fahrenheit is the former bass player of the mid-‘80s metal band Enraged Hedgehog. They were signed to a major label deal, on the brink of stardom, but their label refused to release their album, which depicted a naked, limbless woman with her face stuffed in a hedgehog’s crotch, wearing a Walter Mondale mask. Fahrenheit refused to compromise on the cover art, saying it was a recurring nightmare of his, and the album, the oft-bootlegged Ultimate Fear Party, was a concept album based on that nightmare. The band broke up over Fahrenheit’s principled stand. He tried starting several other groups, including a heavy metal Falco cover band, but none met with any success. Today, Fahrenheit lives by himself in Rahway, N.J., a mere stone’s throw from the state prison, where he works as a janitor in the women’s wing, making a good deal of money on the side selling black market cigarettes, maxi-pads and some of the hundreds of Bedazzlers he bought one night after drinking an entire two-liter bottle of Welch’s grape soda in 24 seconds. In his spare time, he enjoys writing haikus about some of the other heavy metal bands he met during his time in Enraged Hedgehog. These are but a few of the hundreds of haikus he’s written over the years, most of them penned while watching Mama’s Family reruns.
Doug Stackhouse Doug grew up in a small town in the North of England where men are men and sheep are worried. He left high school at the age of thirteen and joined the KGB, but left soon after due to the fact that none of his co-workers knew who Benny Hill was. After a similar stint in the CIA Doug finally settled down in a job that suited him, elephant circumciser in a kosher circus. The pay was bad but the tips were enormous. Brrrrrump. Thank you very much. He has lived, loved and laughed in the USA since the Reagan years, and has found much to write about in that time. Samples of his tortured thinking can be found at soccermaine.com, New England Auto Dealers Monthly, CUFConline.org, and all over amazon.com. He has written numerous short stories about subjects ranging from baseball, bombs in forests, people winning trips into space, nuns destroying the earth, y’know, the usual. He has almost completed a new novel, a titanic tale of struggle and resolution which has Oscar, Pulitzer and Nobel written all over it. Literally. That’s what it’s called.
Poncho – Born amongst a family of prairie coyotes (instead of the more common shopping mall coyotes and Showbiz Pizza coyotes), Poncho grew up hard and grew up fast. He shot his first armadillo at 3, ate his first rattler at 7, filled in for John Ritter on Three’s Company at age 11, and even found time to earn a Ph. D. in Feminine Studies by the age of 16. Now resides somewhere in the canyons along the U. S./Mexico border, and makes his living pillaging small fireworks stands. Some call him a menace. Some call him a hero. Most just call him pretty damn intuitive in the ways of modern cinema. As they should…
Sonia Pereira likes to drink cognac, decorate with french toile, and pretend her best friend is Lorelei Gilmore. She currently writes for a bunch of magazines including "Bookslut.com," "Nervy Girl," "Feline Fatale," "Punk Planet," "Bitch," "Rockrgrl," and "Venus." She also has a seriously demented passion for monkey lamps and scrubbing the tub.
Art Haarper is a 70ish retired aircraft engineer with waaay too much time on his hands. He currently resides in a condo in unincorporated North St. Louis County. Hobbies include watching Law and Order reruns and Cardinal baseball. He has no literary or critical qualifications, other than a good technical education and a lifetime of reading and watching movies and TV. His minor celebrity obsessions include Angie Dickinson, Audrey Hepburn, and Debby Reynolds, however his major obsessions are airplanes and World War II. This is Art's first writing for publication, other than technical reports. Fortunately, he benefits from reverse nepotism.
Dana Rossi is a freelance writer who has written for the New York Press, Grandparents.com, and Broken Pencil, a Canadian indie mag. When she's not writing, she's reading and analyzing books for Sony Pictures Entertainment. And she's got two blogs. Check out PartyInTheBack.blogspot.com for a look at how current events and trends resemble 80s movies. And hitch your ride to TheSassWagon.blogspot.com, where she is rude so you don't have to be.
Jen Saunders, a.k.a. "Tutor to the Stars," has led an average and settled life on the outskirts of New York City, where she grew up cocooned inside suburbia. Her life consisted of Girl Scouts, the ice cream man, friendly neighbors, forced piano lessons, and the occasional bus bully. Later, she went on to college, where she studied the arts, and frequented soirees with enriching social games, such as "Beer Pong" and "Suck and Blow." In graduate school, she grew to love shaping the minds of youth, and pursued education as a career choice. It was there that she became addicted to caffeine, and learned the true meaning of stress, I mean life. She then came upon an ad in The New York Times and answered her calling as "Tutor to the Stars." She has since become an established teacher and tutor to rich and/or famous persons' children in an exclusive enclave north of Manhattan. When she's not molding the minds of the advantaged youth of America, you can find her twisting herself into yoga knots, and traveling extensively to places that do not require a passport. When she's not jetting off to some exotic state in the union, you can find her living above her means in a tiny studio apartment and wearing the latest discount fashions.
Ken Simms is not a writer. He was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA. He currently toils as a financial consultant while he pursues a career in operatic entertainment. He fell in love with pop culture at the tender age of 5 while watching New Zoo Revue. God, did he want to do Emily! During his pre-adolescent phase, he had this odd desire to be Spock as a way to cope with the emotional stress of being an only child. Finally and thankfully, he heard the musings of Prince Rodgers Nelson and everything has been fine since then!
Mike Calahan: Despite birth control pills, I was born in Southern California to a man and woman who I would later refer to as Mom and Dad. From the beginning, I had an overactive imagination that kept me entertained (and out of the way) for hours on end. At the age of 4, I wrote my first book, Tommy and His Pet Mouse, filled with nonsensical drawings and dialogue that made the plot even more indecipherable. Eventually, I went on to study Literature and Film at Northridge State. With this to my credit, I was immediately propelled into entry-level positions in the retail industry.
My influences range from Mark Twain and James Thurber
to Groucho Marx and Preston Sturges. Despite the vocalized protests of
relatives I visit for the holidays, this is my chosen career. www.mikecalahan.com.
Kurisu: Kurisu used to write for the street press, but got tired of being paid in belly button lint. He produces electronic music, and is developing a web site called www.ricketz.com , dedicated to underground music and culture.
Michael Dexter : Michael Dexter was born in Farmington, Maine but grew up in North Carolina. He spent many a happy day wandering through the woods looking for interesting plants, catching snakes and lizards and other neat animals, picking berries, and generally exploring. At night, he’d lie back and watch the stars or catch fireflies. All of this, plus an admiration for Wild Kingdom’s Stan Brock and Jim Fowler, probably have something to do with why he wanted to be a biologist when he grew up. He has taught at the college level for over 10 years now, and is currently completing his doctorate in biology in the state of Washington. He also studies karate and kendo.
Ape Culture and all associated pages are