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Poetry of the Apes

"This is bad poetry that says something."
-Rodney Chester of Australia's Courier-Mail Newspaper

Ape Poetry, The Scene

How To Tell If You Are at Ozzfest or Dodge Poetry Fest
You know you're at Ozzfest when Ozzy bites the head off a dove. You know you're at Dodgefest when the governor of New Jersey bites the head off Amiri Baraka.

Ape Culture: Haiku Capital of the World!!

The A-Ha-Kus
Bless you! Molly Denver immortalizes the very mortal members of the 80s pop band A-Ha with the very delicate art of haiku.

Battle of the Bills!
Mary defends Bill Pullman and Julie defends Bill Paxton using the disciplined, ancient Japanese form of warfare: HAIKU!

Bring Back the Dawn (Breakfast - it's not just for kids anymore)
Haikus about breakfast cereal icons - and just like a little breakfast box of Lucky Charms, they're magically delicious!

Come Sail Away, Rock Cruise Haiku - Take a cruise ship vacation with Journey, REO Speedwagon and Styx! Nerdia and Coolia ruminate on the possibilities!

Dreadful Haikus for American Idol
Not another commercial break to plug the Ford Focus?!?
Julie Wiskirchen, Christine Horace, and Nova Gutierrez bide their weekly American Idol time writing haikus.

Haikus for a Half-Breed
Christopher Brisson turns the awesome spotlight of haiku on the super-fabulous subject of Cher. 30 kus in all!

Haiku Memoir of a Cardinal Fan
Coolia pays tribute to the pennant-winning 2004 St. Louis Cardinals, while looking back on Cardinal heroes of the past

Heavy-Metal Love Haikus
They're raunchy, they're raw and they ridicule the very male divas they love....don't miss the fun and the sentimental memories that are Heavy Metal Love Haikus.

Heavy Metal Haikus - Part II
Hair band refugees Jimmy Fahrenheit and Magnus Thornbjorn present a brand new set of heavy metal haikus, alternatively rocking you like a hurricane and giving you the refreshing pause of silent lucidity.


Now I've Seen Everything! Haikus for Skymall
Read our haikus about the products you only want when you're stuck on a plane for 4 hours, including fish head beverage coolers, a hot dog cooker, and a whole page of haiku dedicated to our favorite item- the garden baby.

Now I've Seen Everything Again! Haikus for Skymall 2

A Pathetic Haiku Tribute for American Idol's Simon Cowell
He's the reason we got sucked into watching American Idol all Summer, so we figured he deserved a haiku tribute. Yes, Simon, the question remains: how have we remained undiscovered for so long???

The Sanjaya Mala-kus
Mary Ladd likes Sanjaya and she's written haikus to explain herself.

St. Lou Haiku
Ape Culture editors, Mary Ladd and Julie Wiskirchen publish a book of haikus about their hometown on Timberline Press.

Teen Crush Haikus Vol 1 and Vol 2
Tributes to fleeting crushes that compelled us to purchase Bop! magazine

U2: The Haiku Review
We just can't get enough ku! Christine Horace, award-wining ku-master of the infamous Kevin Spacey kus, reviews two Elevation U2 concerts in New York and New Jersey.

U2: The Vertigo Haiku Review
This time Christine Horace takes on the 2005 Vertigo Tour.

Woo! Haikus for Taylor Hicks
Coolia pays tribute to the soul man who made us proud.

Woodstock Haikus
It's cheaper than pay-per-view.

A Haiku Requiem for Constantine
Julie Wiskirchen comes to terms with Constantine's dismissal from American Idol

Ape Poetry, Formal

Caustic Acrostic Movie Reviews
Poetic reviews of new releases.

Caustic Acrostic Video Reviews
Poems you can take with you to the video store.

Celebrity Scandal Limericks
A poetic survey of celebrity gossip subjects

Joe Durrant's Celebrity Love Poems
There are great American poets and then there are great American celebrity love poets. And everyone knows a great American celebrity love poet is hard to find. Which is why we are proud to announce Ape Culture's very own celebrity love poet, Joe Durrant.

The Kyliemericks
Limericks about Kylie Minogue

Sonnets on an American Childhood in the Seventies
Molly Denver reflects on her childhood, formally.

The Tom Jones Acrostic Poems
They're about projectile underpants

Ape Poetry, Born Free Verse

More Celebrity Poems by Jason Henninger
Subjects of rumination are Cher and Jim Morrison

Jason Henninger is Back
with poems about Tupac, Erykah Badu, and a masterpiece collage of love songs from the 80s

Jason Henninger's Celebrity Vignettes
Read the sad nursery rhyme on Morrisey and the true and disturbing story set in motion by Cameron Diaz entitled "Circus Booty"!

Love Poems To The Stars!
Words obviously can't express the scope of our celebrity obsessions. We're trying to build a monument here. Help us out. Get started on that Ricky Schroeder poem you've always wanted to write.

Why Do You Watch Monster Vision, Mary, Why?
Companion poem to Dead Zombies of the Heart, Ape Culture's horror flick list.


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