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Heavy Metal Love Haikus

By Grace "Hacku" Hackett and Julie "Coolia" Wiskirchen


Hot, sweaty rhythms
In need of cold shower
Metal gods du jour


My radio plays Dream On
As those lips devour me
My body quivers
I'm creamy center
Tyler-Perry oreo
Delicious sandwich
Oh my darling Jace
When you play that searing bass
A smile on my face

Jason, FUEL me up
But I don't mean gasoline
You rev my engine

Lars, norse god of drumming
Intellectual in black shorts
Pound me like those skins
Axe god Randy Rhoads
Your angelic face haunts me
After the plane crash
Ozzy, leave your wife
That shrew will work you to death
I'll take care of you
Blackie is wild child
A beast! Animal!
Yes, love me to death,
Peter Steele, I've seen a lot
Of you in Playgirl
Fatal if Swallowed
Overkill causes mayhem
Rotten to the Core
Ratt's cute blond Robin
Made my heart spin round and round
Tour shirt kept him close
Talk dirty to me,
Bret Michaels. I want to be
Your fallen angel
George, I surrender
Frighten me, Mr. Scary
My heart beats faster
Gene, God of Thunder
Stop wiggling that tongue around
Stick it down my throat

Heavy Metal Anti-Love Haiku

Ronnie James Dio
Holy Diver's not bad but
You look like a troll
Motorhead's Lemmy
Bag your wart-covered face
Can't be your groupie
Fair Sebastian Bach
Flaxen-haired Skid Row singer
Too pretty for me
Motley Crue had three
Sexy devil-shouting studs
Then there was Mick Mars...
David, Whitesnake in
Your pants? Or just happy to
See Tawny Kittaen?
Talentless Warrant
Downfall of Heavy Metal
Cherry Pie my ass!
You are scaring us
And making kids cry, Ace, put
Your makeup back on

Want more metal?
Visit Ape Culture's Heavy Metal Haikus - Part II

Check out Ape Culture's concert reviews.

Add your own metal haikus here.



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