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Television of the Apes


Bob Dole, Pepsi Pervert: A Critical Analysis
Do we really need Britney Spears and Pepsi to remind us!

Brady Bunch: Stop the Insanity!
Or at least admit you have a problem. If we all stop watching, we can all become well.

Do You Know The Way To Homer J? Addresses of the Rich and Fictitious
Come see where all your imaginary friends live.

Drama in Real Life: The Day I Skipped Work to Audition for The Weakest Link
Julie Wiskirchen's lifelong love affair with game shows culminates in a nail-biting tryout for Australia's hottest game show

FYI, WJM: Do YOU Know The Difference
by M.E. Ladd: Murphy Brown and The Mary Tyler Moore Show -- Our report may surprise you!

Growing Up Gotti Episodes We'd Like to See
The Anchovy Sisters pitch ideas to Victoria and her sons

Honey, I Shrunk Emmanuel Lewis
Webster just got small.

James Garner as Jim Rockford and Nancy Drew
By M.E. Ladd: James Garner as Jim Rockford & Nancy Drew investigate MURDER! in a trailer park.

La Femme Nikita
By: Natasha Brandstatter: Proving that Sex, Violence, and Beautiful People are, Indeed Enough to Make a Successful TV Show.

Love Poems to TV Stars
by Joe Durrant for Scott Baio, Jack Tripper, Tootie, Linda Lavin, Dana Scully, Sherman Hemsley, and Lynda Carter

The Minnow Files
What Scully and Mulder really need to do is to get off their bums and find out what the hell happened to Gilligan and the man known only as "the Skipper"!

Network TV Adjusts Its Leash
Ann Cefola turns her analytical eye to what's happening now on TV.

Once A Fat Ass...
Guess who Eric Cartman grows up to be! You'll never BELIEVE it!

Profiling Santa
Growing up Jewish, Max Burbank learned everything he needed to know about Santa from those delightful, stop-motion-animated Rankin/Bass specials.

Psychic Friends Spoil Fun for Season Finale-o-philes
What's worse than a mall rat who can't keep a secret? A psychic mall rat who can't keep a secret. Max Burbank tells all about 2001's must-see TV finales.

Requiem for Battlestar Galactica: Blow Waves in Space
Matthew Denby remembers Apollo Starbuck. I bet you didn't know the dog-like creature Daggit was played by a chimp! We've got a photo to prove it.

Requiem for The Richard Bey Show
Julie Wiskirchen remembers the glory days of trash tv, when Mr. Puniverse and Ms. Big Butt roamed free.

Rockstar: Supernova - Waiting with the Rossi Possi
Coolia attends a Rockstar taping and figures out why Lukas won

The Standardized "Should I Stalk William Shatner?" Test
Do you have what it takes to be a William Shatner stalker? Stop biting your nails: find out now!

Still Wild and Crazy After All These Years
Mary Ladd muses on Steve Martin latest incarnation: Oscar host

Tool in Life, Treasure on TV—We Love the Office Bully
Dana Rossi compares TV bullies, from Louie DePalma on Taxi to Andy Bernard on The Office.

Tribute to Phil Hartman
By Christine Horace: "Phil gave me my fifteen minutes of fame."

Unsolved Mysteries: Never Underestimate the Power of a Plaid Bow-Tie
by Ann Cefola: With Keely Shaye Smith gone a motherin' who's left to solve the final mystery?!

When TV Is Stranger Than Fiction
Ann Cefola explores the darker side of our viewing habits.

Why Female Skaters Suck and Female TV Characters Rock
And no we're not talking about Roseanne on Ice!

Reality TV

The Kellie Pickler Conspiracy - Read our shocking expose!

Woo! Haikus for Taylor Hicks!

Celebrity Fat Club - Coolia and Nerdia review the third season of Celebrity Fat Club to review the weight loss progress of the likes of Chastity Bono, Jeff Conaway and Kelly LeBrock.

Reflections on American Idol Season 4
Coolia wishes Carrie Underwood would plug it up.

Who Gets The Dog?: Ape Culture Gets the Dog!
Coolia's account of the Ape Culture editors' reality TV experience

Who Gets the Dog?: Is This Show Humane?
Animal-lovin' Nerdia answers the pure-breed-lovin' critics of the show

Who Gets the Dog?: Meet The Edgar Winter Dog
Edgar fans - go here to learn more about your idol

Who Gets the Dog? HugsGram I and II
Updates on our star

American Idol Audition Simulator
Take the "How Would Simon Cowell Judge You?" quiz and find out if you're the total package or a total loser.

Dreadful Haikus for American Idol
Not another commercial break to plug the Ford Focus?!? Julie Wiskirchen, Christine Horace, and Nova Gutierrez bide their weekly American Idol time writing haikus.

Celebrity Zoo: Weekly Commentary on The Surreal Life Season 1, Season 2 , Season 3, and Season 4

A Pathetic Haiku Tribute for American Idol's Simon Cowell
He's the reason we got sucked into watching American Idol all Summer, so we figured he deserved a haiku tribute. Yes, Simon, the question remains: how have we remained undiscovered for so long???

Popstars Take Parramatta
Hypnotized by a most blatant and unashamed media blitz, Australian sheep (the human kind) flock to a suburban mall to get their first live glimpse of Bardot, a Spice Girls-clone band assembled, packaged, and sold on a reality TV show called Popstars.

When Has-Beens Attack!
Has Fox hit a new low in television history? Judge for yourself by reading our chat room review of Celebrity Boxing.

We Hate It When Our Celebrity Obsessions Become Successful: Ruminations on The Osbournes

Award Shows and Specials

Ape Culture's 2000 Oscar Review

Three Apes Chat About the 2001 Oscars
When we watch the Oscars we want to know more than who will win. We want to know if Catherine Zeta Jones married Michael Douglas to advance her career. We want to know if Russell Crowe punched Steve Martin backstage for that kidnap joke. And we want to know why Benicio Del Toro is sitting next to some old ugly guy and not one of us.

2002 American Music Awards
We chatted to stay awake.

We Watched the 2001 Golden Globes So You Didn't Have To!

2002 Golden Globes Awards
The Ape Gang tries to figure out who the Hollywood Foreign Press really are and ends up getting blitzed playing the "everybody drink when somebody thanks Dreamworks" drinking game.

Kindler, Gentler Coverage of the 2003 Golden Globe Awards

2002 Grammy Awards

Navel Gazing at the 2001 MTV Video Music Awards
If there's anything more vapid and shallow than the VMAs, it's Ape Culture's chat room commentary on them.

Ape Culture's Guide to Classic TV
Mary Ladd reviews the 1st Annual TV Land Awards while tipping her hat to some classic TV shows.

Chat Room Review of the America: A Tribute to Heroes telethon
Egged on by her fellow apes, Coolia tries her damnedest to get through to make a pledge to Jack Nicholson, fearing instead she'll get Whoopi Goldberg who will want to tell her about her favorite Entenmann's

Michael Jackson Presents..."This is My Life"
Still grabbing his crotch after all these years...a review of Michael Jackson's 30th anniversary concert TV special.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Getting Over the Michael Jackson Documentary
Sherry Fairchok and Mary Ladd trade theories about the larger significance of Celebrity Gone Horribly Wrong.

Divas '99: A Look Back in Anger!
Christopher Brisson spent some harrowing hours in front of the TV-set one star-cold spring evening. He is only now finally able to speak about what tortures he was put through.

Divas Live Ad Nauseum
Another year, another Divas Live. You may as well give in to it and read our review. You are powerless against the whims of VH1 and Donald Trump who must really like the show because he's right there in the audience every year. Read about this and other pathetic occurrences when Ape Culture reviews Divas Live 2000.

A Plague of Divas
Some thought the big white orb moving across the stage of Radio City Music Hall Tuesday night was actually a extraterrestrial spaceship. No, just another rotund Diva tribute on VH-1's Divas Live 2001. Read about yet another Close Encounter of the Diva Kind.

The Divas That Wouldn't Die!
Does Cher sing live this year? What teen idol tries to pass herself off as a Diva this year? Are Divas fat or skinny this year? Find out the answers to these questions if you can stand another DIVAS LIVE REVIEW from HELL!

A Diva's Christmas Carol

Men Strike Back: The Review


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