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Movies of the Apes

Movie Reviews

Art Haarper's Movie Reviews for Retired Persons
He's retired and he's got time on his hands. These movie reviews are not only for retired folk, but hellion rug rats such as yourself.

Art Haarper's Video and Late Show Recommendations for Geezers

Caustic Acrostic Movie Reviews
Poetic reviews of current films

Caustic Acrostic Video Reviews
Poems you can take with you to the video store

Dead Zombies of the Heart
Ape Culture's horror movie expert, Mary Ladd, lists her favorite horror flicks, breaking the genre down into categories ranging from "Ghosts that Hate You and the Buildings You Live in" to "Scary Toys."

Video Rental ideas for the nondiscriminating;including "Trilogy of Terror", "River's Edge", "Phantasm 2", "Runaway.", "Girls Just Want to Have Fun", "Psych-Out", "The Eyes of Laura Mars", and "Independence Day".

Reviewing The Roger Corman Collection
Coolia and Nerdia examine a cornucopia of Roger Corman Films - from Death Race 2000 to DinoCroc.


Movie Features

2004 Holiday Movie Preview - Mike Calahan takes us through the newest releases this holiday season, including a Michael Moore expose of Santa Claus and an epic family heartwarmer, The Donner Party.

Eight is Enough Meets The Amityville Horror
by Julie Wiskirchen: She watched Amityville Horror one afternoon and found herself profoundly disturbed by James Brolin's resemblance to Barry Gibb. That was the genesis of this bloodbath of dysfunction.

Honey, I Shrunk Emmanuel Lewis
Webster just got small.

How to Attend a Film Festival for Free
Canine Helga S. Ladd reports on the Palm Springs Film Festival. Her report includes a scandalous and scathing expose on the very co-editor of the fine rag.

A Mother's Day Extravaganza with Christina Crawford
A review of a charity screening of Mommie Dearest

Note to Harrison Ford: You Can Go Back to Building Bookshelves Now
A fan decides the pleasure of seeing Harrison without his shirt isn't worth the pain of sitting through drivel like Random Hearts and What Lies Beneath

Palm Springs Film Festival 2003
Christopher Brisson covers the 2003 Palm Springs Film Festival, seeing approximately 10 films in two days.

The Science of Godzilla - Michael Dexter takes on the plausible science of the Godzilla movies. Is that radioactive fire coming out of his mounth or did Zilly just eat a giant jalapeno?

The Science of Star Wars - Michael Dexter takes on the plausible science of the Star Wars movies in his educated ruminations on the original trilogy with tie-ins to the prequels. Apparently, C-3PO was so full of it and Obi-Wan was no nice guy after all.

Some People Call Me The Horse Whisperer; Some Call Me The Prince of Tides
You don't believe us, punks? Go see for yourself! Exhaustive research will prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that our research is surprisingly extensive.

When Celebrity Obsessions Attack!
Tammy Wynette sang "Stand By Your Man" in tribute to her abusive alcoholic husband George Jones. But even Tammy eventually dumped the jerk. Julie Wiskirchen ponders whether or not she can stay loyal to her primary obsession, Jack Nicholson, as he faces accusations of beating a prostitute.

Inhabiting Oz
Shelley Blake discusses reality vs. fantasy and her love of the movies and John Cusack.


Award Shows

2001 Golden Globes Review
Liz Taylor's performance recalled the work of Susan Olsen in the classic "Cindy paralyzed by the red light on the quiz show" episode of The Brady Bunch

2002 Golden Globes Awards Chat Room Review
The Ape Gang tries to figure out who the Hollywood Foreign Press really are and ends up getting blitzed playing the "everybody drink when somebody thanks Dreamworks" drinking game.

Kinder, Gentler Coverage of the 2003 Golden Globes Awards

Ape Culture's Oscar Review 2000
Our shallow take on the year's most s-hallowed event.

Ape Culture Chats about the 2001 Oscars
We want to know more than the winners. We want to know why Benicio Del Toro is sitting next to some ugly guy instead of one of us.

Still Wild and Crazy After All These Years
Mary Ladd muses on Steve Martin latest incarnation: Oscar host


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