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Now I've Seen Everything...Again!
Haikus for Skymall Part 2

from Ape Culture: Haiku Capital of the World!

By Mary Ladd, John McCray & Julie Wiskirchen

This is part deux of the great Skymall haiku tribute. Read the haikus that started it all.


Golf Ball Radar

You can buy a lot
of golf balls for $350,
or this dumb gadget


I walk Spot in his
stroller three times a day, so
why is he obese?

This bed is ideal
for discreet storage of your
porno collection

Doggone bed blankets
Muss up my swank pedicures.
Thank god for Foot Tent.

If Pudge can't jump on
the bed, maybe God didn't
want her on the bed.

Fifi’s paw is soaked!
Culprit: kitty’s marking of
The foam pet staircase.

I've been training hard.
Pretty sure Pogo will be
Olympic sport soon

Boss puts paychecks in
claw machine, then laughs as we
struggle. What a prick.

Airplane propeller
Sitting in my living room
Looks like a plane crash

New Turbo Groomer—
Rocket engine in my nose.
Jet lobotomy.

Gravity Defying Shoes

A spring in your step
A literal invention
Midas Muffler Shoes

Four dog Bolster Beds
So Yorkie Princess can’t feel
The small flea named Pea.

Got floating couch. Now
all we need is the floating
plasma screen TV

Warning: this air bed
will make your guests so comfy
they may never leave.

If my boss bought me
this for Christmas, I think I'd
put him in a box.

Big shipping error!
Christmas Story leg lamp should
have been whole lady!

Dad changed by throne gift.
He hired day laborers
to build pyramid.

Toy R2D2
Gives remote control blow jobs.
Don’t tell 3PO.

Remote controlled shark.
Hundred bucks of fishey fish
Bit my ass again.


Mandatory love
Sign: “Always kiss me goodnight”
Or I’ll pinch you in the nuts.

The Flight Control Kit:
Spritzer, blanket and pillow
To smother babies.

With your lightsaber
Replica, even you can
Be a YouTube star.


Click here for a Skymall Haiku Special - focusing on our favorite item - The Garden Baby!

Read more Ape Culture Haiku

Visit Skymall

Add your own Skymall haiku here.


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