Californians won't let the lack of snow stop them from having a holly,
jolly, electric-company-pleasing Christmas. We found a neighborhood in
Woodland Hills known as Candy Cane Lane where, since 1952, keeping up
with the Joneses has involved large expenditures on lights, plastic snowmen,
inflatable penguins, and animatronic Santas. Unlike the
similar neighborhood we'd visited in Brooklyn, these Valley decorators
favored movie and cartoon themes including Toy Story, The
Incredibles, and Lilo and Stitch - Hollywood is just over
the hill, after all.
Abandon All Taste Ye Who Enter Here
A plastic santa and a small "Candlelight Lane" sign welcome
visitors, as bejeweled palm trees sway in the background
Joy OD'd
A celebration of American excess; illegal Mexican labor most likely spent
days stringing all this crap up
Godzilla vs. Santa
A 20ft Santa Tiki God invites passerby to rub his belly, if they
can clamber over the fence
LA Christmas: Apropos of Nothing
It looks a lot less chaotic and more awesome in person, we promise. Have
The Incredibles moved to the North Pole? Or is some valley-dwelling cartoonist
just promoting his latest wares?
Curves, North Pole Franchise
Although you may not be able to tell, these hefty holiday icons are jazzercizing.
Note the exhausted expression of the twin Burl Ives snowmen.
Christmas Conga Line
Santa encourages passerby to come on and ride the train. You'd hate
to be at a railroad crossing waiting for the end of this one.
Coloring Inside the Lines
For some reason, I really don't like it when people outline their
driveways and roofs with lights. I don't have a reason for feeling this
way. I just thought I'd share.
Would You Like to Keep the Box or See What's Behind
Door #3?
Watch out. Those Santa lawn darts have been known to kill people.
John 3:16 - It's Not Just for Sporting Events
Anymore
Next to a glowing plastivity scene, an adult Jesus holds a bible
open to "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten
son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal
life" (John 3:16). This yard exists to keep people from being too
happy about Christmas and remind them about the crucifixion. Didn't Mel
Gibson cover that already this year?
Sloppy Work Annoys God, Part I
Those lights strung from tree to tree to house could decapitate either
visiting angels or reindeer flying through.
Sloppy Work Annoys God, Part II
Is that a display commemorating sloppy light-stringing or the joys of
tee-pee-ing vandalism?
Heart Glows for Holidays
It takes thousands of watts of energy and an attic full of asbestos to
get a glow like that.
Clauses Who Live In Glass Houses Shouldn't Get
Stoned
They might be enjoying the panoramic view right now, but Santa and Mrs.
Claus are going to feel pretty exposed if they decide they want to get
it on.
Don't Take Candy From Strangers
Even if he's dressed like Santa Claus, don't take candy from him and run
like the wind if he asks you to sit on his lap...especially because he's
wiggling in an inappropriately sexual and drunken manner and mumbling
something inaudible about the reason for the season.
Stars & Stripes Signal to the Aliens of Outer
Space
...lest extraterrestrials forget, we ARE the superpower. We're surprised
Santa hasn't turned his sleigh back around in disgust, with his German
heritage and all.
Plastivity Simplicity
Electronic overkill all over the block makes one nostalgically fond of
this yard with only one simple worn plastic electric nativity expressing
this message: from a single dim watted bulb, crap can glow.
If you decide to visit Candy Cane Lane...
Official event hours are 7pm-9pm. Residents request that visitors drive
by no later than 10pm on weeknights, 11pm on weekends. Exit Winnetka Avenue
off the 101N freeway, head north and turn right on Oxnard Street. Please
don't feed the inflatable penguins.
Read Profiling Santa: Growing up Jewish,
Max Burbank learned everything he needed to know about Santa from those
delightful Rankin/Bass specials.
Hate Christmas office parties? Dodging It's a Wonderful
Life on TV 24/7? Tell us what Christmas blights really stick a Santa-butt
up your chimney - in the Ape Culture forum!
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