Chat Room Review of the 2002 Grammy Awards
Stuck in an Award Show You Can't Get Out Of
[coolia] Bono could have shaved. They're starting with U2...setting the tone for the night?
[coolia] Jon Stewart getting frisked and stripped. that's pretty funny.
[Marilyn] Anyone know where I can score some smack?
[coolia] best pop vocal by a duo or group - U2 "stuck in a moment." Bono is just cracking jokes, seems confident he'll win more, a bit jaded.
[coolia] Lady Marmalade ad nauseum - Pink looks like a Nagel print/punk rocker. Christina is busting out all over...she's got some pipes though...omygod..Patti LaBelles breasts are enormous...she's totally smooshed into that dress
[CharoFan] Patti looks like she's raided Aretha's closet and she gives Aretha a run for her money as the hippo of soul
[Marilyn] Is Pink looking butch?
[coolia] do you remember that artist Nagel from the 80s? she looked like one of his prints, mixed with a punk rocker.
[Marilyn] Is Christina still a skinny crack whore?
[coolia] yes, Christina looks skeletal
[chica] I got to comment on a fellow LATINA who tried to outsing Patti ever so briefly.
[coolia] they are a bunch of strumpets. i dont like Christina's hair. Pink would fit in on st marks place
[Marilyn] Hair by Dee Snyder
[chica] not as bad a Britney's Coal Miner's Daughter hair
[coolia] Britney has midwest prom hair
[coolia] did they compete over who would wear the least clothes?
[coqueta] well it wasn't who had the biggest boobs
[coolia] Patti would win that in a walk!
[Marilyn] This will be Kylie's show next year. She is the anti-Alanis, an enema to flush away 90's Prozac chick rock.
[coolia] but i like Alanis' new song
[Marilyn] It's about the SAME guy she was moaning about on "You Outta Know." MOVE ON! Talk about wallowing in self obsession.
[coolia] its not easy being a child star, just ask Dana Plato
[chica] love hurts
[coolia] who is this singing...i wasnt paying attention. maybe Train?
[Marilyn] THE BEST SOY LATTE THAT YOU'VE EVER HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD
[coolia] they will be one hit wonders
[chica] Trisha Yearwood is wearing Lane Bryant
[coqueta] does every band who performs get a grammy after they go on?
[coolia] it must be rigged. who is this singing?
[coqueta] who is this that's singing, she asks. he's latin. that's all that matters
[coolia] i was about to say who are the back up hoochies..then i realized
[chica] it's Destiny's Child
[coolia] they are bilingual! talented!
[coqueta] why in the hell is DC singing a "latin" song?
[chica] for a minute there i thought Beyonce was Mariah accessing her latin roots
[chica] they all just wanna be Selena
[coolia] Lucinda Williams looks very east village
[chica] damn, Lucinda looks like Iggy Pop
[coolia] Ja Rule! what a trio. Pamela bustin' out all over
[coqueta] when isn't she?
[chica] I love the glitter, but what the hell is she wearing?
[chica] tough category, why do they have Pam Anderson there at all?
[chica] she's just thanking all men, what's up with that?
[coolia] i dont have her album and i'm sure its brilliant and all but i think Alicia Keys is overexposed. she better watch out or she will become Macy Gray...nobody cares about her new album
[CharoFan] I mean what is that outfit? A wife beater, jeans, and some gauze ripped down from a hotel curtain.
[Nerdia] Maybe she's making a statement.
[CharoFan] Yeah, I don't know how to dress. That's her statement.
[coqueta] she's like all over and i've only heard that ONE song
[chica] now they bring the old crooner Tony Bennett on to add some class after DC. damn, Billy Joel looks way older than Tony.
[CharoFan] Oh my god.
[Nerdia] Speaking of hippos...
[CharoFan] He looks like a beached walrus. Wow, Grandpa Joel.
[Nerdia] I'm tired of Billy Joel singing Billy Joel. Why are they butchering the song I love.
[CharoFan] This is not a tinkly song.
[coqueta] i didn't get the whole Nelly-N'Sync-Justin (I think I'm Michael Jackson) thing
[chica] i think Sade was robbed, who the hell is Nelly Furtado anyway??
[coolia] the fake Nelly
[CharoFan] Billboard factoid: the 2 Nellys were on the chart simultaneously and there had never before been a Nelly on the chart in music Nellistory
[chica] has anyone told Jon Stewart he is not funny?
[coolia] Yakov Smirnov references are comedy killers
[coolia] i wanna hear "i'm a man of constant sorrow". i never see Emmy Lou Harris on stage alone..she's always part of a giant posse..like at lilith fair
[coolia] ohmigod..Dixie Chicks...they're making the fat one wear a blanket. hasnt she heard of Lane Bryant??
[chica] doesn't she know chubby girls shouldn't wear horizontal stripes?
[chica] lane bryant...even culture-specific the avenue is better than the blanket
[coolia] she could try dress barn plus
[coqueta] or the plus section at wal mart
[Nerdia] 3 Dixie Chicks - 3 bad outfits
[coolia] i wonder what Joan Rivers will say about that blanket
[chica] and Sheryl Crow looks like Heidi Fleiss
[coolia] we've made it halfway
[chica] here goes Alicia's one song
[coolia] this is so played out
[coolia] oh it's a medley with her other song. i dont think she has star power
[chica] i think that she is in danger of becoming Macy. she might have to advertise album release dates on her clothes
[coolia] why the TV stars? something different about me: i don't love Raymond
[coolia] giving TVs away to people in the front rows doesnt really have much of an effect. they're rich dammit.
[coolia] perform and win...the trend continues
[chica] it's all rigged
[chica] there is no element of surprise
[coolia] ick frat boy music...Dave Matthews
[coqueta] ok he needs to hurry up his set
[chica] Waylon Jennings tribute from Kid Rock, i'm surprised
[coolia] Kid Rock actually knows his music..he was talking about the importance of "O Brother Where Art Thou" in the pre-show and he digs Hank Williams Jr too
[chica] damn. i never would have guessed it
[coolia] Bono again. eradicate third world debt.
[chica] yes, yes we should
[coolia] i'm more interested in the awards that don't make it to the TV broadcast. someday i hope to win "best album notes" for "the complete Duran Duran box set"
[chica] Bob Dylan. his set needs subtitles.
[coolia] he looks like death
[coolia] look at Janet's abs of steel!
[chica] somebody please feed Janet
[coolia] and stop her from doing obsessive sit ups. or is that the work of the ab energizer?
[coqueta] i heard Britney does sit ups in her dressing room before going on stage
[coolia] i heard she does 1000 per day
[chica] i do one, when i get outta bed
[coolia] Mary J Blige...she's cool
[coqueta] give Mary some love
[coolia] another Netaid vet
[chica] who wasn't at netaid?
[coolia] goals i still have from netaid...eradicate third world debt...clean up the water supply...get back those 8 hours of my life...
[CharoFan] I got chills. That's one of my Top 5 Grammy performances of all time along with Sheila E and her glow in the dark drumsticks singing "Glamorous Life," Ricky Martin, and Denise Williams singing "My God is Amazing" acapella.
[CharoFan] Look at Celine's face...that look says it all.
[CharoFan] What's with this pirating lecture? It doesn't seem like the audience is behind this.
[Nerdia] It makes me want to go out and pirate. It just sounds too inappropriate and venomouos for this show. He may have a point but he's going about it the wrong way.
[coolia] Elvis Costello...as Bono
[chica] what is up with Gwen's hair? i think she looks like Pebbles Flintstone.
[coolia] that's funny..i dont like Gwen..but that song is infectious. hey baby hey baby hey
Outkast! Sorry Ms Jackson, i am for reaaaaal
[coqueta] he always wears pink
[chica] he looks like transgendered, black malibu barbie
[coolia] i'm not looking forward to seeing Alan Jackson
[coqueta] country hatah
[coqueta] it's country time
[chica] propaganda, propaganda
[coolia] Alan Jackson is a hoosier
[coqueta] that explains it
[coolia] there's a mullet under that hat
[coqueta] do you know the difference between Iraq and Iran?
[coqueta] that's what he said
[coolia] oh i thought maybe there was a punchline coming
[coolia] isnt the show running long? i wonder if Black Sabbath won best metal performance
[coqueta] no, Tool got it.
[coolia] damn. well, at least Ozzy has the reality show to fall back on.
[coolia] is Stevie Wonder wearing Lane Bryant?
[coqueta] Celine looks like she's at the Britney midwest prom
[coolia] they wrote the winner card in braille for Stevie. that's very inclusive.
[Nerdia] India Arie, who is she? That's really cool what she's saying about loving yourself.
[coolia] We should pay attention to these lyrics and take back all the shallow comments we've made about everyone's appearance tonight. Of course, then there would be nothing left to this review.
[coolia] U2's "Walk On" as record of the year. I agree. I love the song and the album. It's my 9/11 recovery album.
[coolia] not more PTL. A gospel finale...is this the grammys or mother angelica?
[coolia] Lane Bryant chorus line!
[coolia] well, that was pretty good i guess, overall. better than the AMAs
[coqueta] much better
[Nerdia] Thank god the musical performances held the show together because the host didn't.
All photos borrowed from Yahoo's compilation of AP and Reutersphotos.
Ape Culture and all associated pages are