Ape Culture - Richard Simmons Counsels Fat Pets

Helga

Dear Helga,

I'm so glad you wrote to me. This is the first step in changing your life. I have to say I'm most concerned about the last line of your letter. Helga, bulimia is no way to manage your food intake. I'm really hoping it was sniffing an exotic plant that made you ill and that you are not trapped in the vicious cycle of bingeing and purging.

I sense there is some deep hurt in your past that you've never recovered from. I think you and Mary should go to family counseling to work through your issues and build up your self-esteem. Only then can we begin to really tackle your eating problem. And when the time comes for that, I'll put you on my most intense deal-a-meal program.

With my guidance, Helga, you'll learn that it's okay to love food. It's all about portions. Don't worry--you won't have to give up those beef jerky treats you love. You will have to cut back, but I can recommend some tofu jerky that's just as good. Since you're such a wild and crazy dog, I'm enclosing my new video, "Sweating to Ska-Punk."

Love,
Richard

One Year Later

Thanks, Richard!!