Ape Culture - A Pop Culture Humor Webzine

You head-up the Heal The World Foundation, but what about the Heal Latoya Foundation? No charity for your own kin? This must be tough-shit love. You trash Latoya. Janet trashes Latoya. Mom and "Dad" trash Latoya. Latoya is beaten up by her husband. Randy is kidnapped by Colombian guerillas. Your parents are still living in denial about the sad lives of all their kids. In the wake of this, they are planning a few projects to celebrate their progeny….including a TV movie, The Jacksons, An American Dream and The Jackson Family Honors.

Meanwhile, you have created a shrine to Shirley Temple in your house but you have tired of Bubbles-as-adult and you give him away. You spend all your time in your bedroom. You never come out unless you are in full make-up. The staff must serve you meals with Disney character names. Parents drop off their kids, one by one, to spend the week with you. You treat each of them as your best friend until their parents wise up or they grow up. Then, you refuse to take their calls. Staff members claim they have seen you taking nude baths with these young boys and sleeping with them in frilly pjs, and rubbing against them. Two former employees claim to have seen you fondling a young boy.

You become a spokesperson for L.A. Gear but you refuse to speak so the deal falls through. Janet makes the biggest record deal in history with Virgin records for 50 million dollars. Later that week, you top her with a deal from Sony records for 60 million. It works like a jinx for you both because since then, neither of you can live up to your past sales records.

You give away Liz Taylor (soon to be a celebrity adventure) to Larry Fortensky in a wedding at the Neverland Ranch. It is a huge press event with helicopters overhead and parachutes dropping in. The staff still maintains that your relationship with Liz is a farce. You are an investor in her White Diamonds fragrance.

In your "Black & White" video you grab your crotch 13 times. Iman kisses you in the "Remember The Time" video and you are so upset by this that you run to your Little Mermaid trailer and lock the door. Six rhinoplasties into your life, many skin peels later, you are losing weight. You collapse on stage at Wembley in front of Prince Charles.

In Monaco, at the World Music Awards, Prince Albert is embarrassed by your blatant fondling of your young boy escort. Albert later admits that it seems like you cannot take your hands off the boy. You skip the private dinner Albert has put together in your honor.

A mother catches you in bed with her son. She finds out that he has been "rubbed". The ex-husband/ father finds out and takes his son to see a doctor. By law, the doctor is required to notify authorities of sexual mis-conduct based on the boy’s confession. The story breaks.